What does it.

What does it feel like to have your life shared with someone? You dedicate your time. Part of your thoughts. Think about the other person 24/7. How does it feel? To commit? To a total stranger. Hmm...

Driving into dreams

I actually had a writer persona inside of me. I actually used to write stories when I was younger. Best friends who fall in love.. childhood sweeathearts.. this funky fantasy story about another world called Colitiria... I guess I got discouraged from thinking I'm not that great. Someone once told me that "that thinking process - being pessimistic - will hold you from being successful". Opportunities fly by in front of me and I don't grab them. I just let them slip by. College. It approaches. I don't want to do the samr things here. Well back to me being an author. .. deep inside my heart I want to write... I have ideas. Probably not as much as other people but I really want to engage a talent into writing. I want to reflect art in my writing. My heart really craves it. It calls for those words to be translated into paper. My hands ache to hold a pen and scribble amazing ideas that can come out of me. Well there's some inside thoughts with me.

I like you. and technically it isn't my fault for having such an emotion exist. however, there are no barriers this time except that ... you see me just as a friend.  How tragic.  Plus. Things just never go in a way I imagined. therefore I diverge myself into filling in that "What If" to avoid the emptiness my heart is exposed to. Will I everend the what ifs I have pondered upon?

What movie Genre am I?

Thoughts to ponder..

To Myself by W.S. Merwin

Once, you were care-free. Always in high spirits. Overflowing with joy. Keeping a hopeful character. Then your walls come crashing down. Circumstances we never imagine happening would come knocking at our door. All that joy and happiness was stripped away. However, that builds the character of who we are going to be as an adult. The question is, Would you fall to that melancholy and not move forward or would you move forward and keep up a positive behavior despite the challenges? I choose the latter. If you chose the second option to keep reaching for your goals, you come to that feeling when you desire something that is from the past. You crave for that character you’ve had as a young child. Though the challenge is that you’ve grown up, and you’ve been prideful. You’re too egoistical to resort to how you once were because you’re ashamed of that and that people might think you’re childish. W.S. Merwin’s poem “To Myself” explains the struggles between the past and the present during that moments when we crave for that childish character within our hearts to escape from reality just for a while and be care-free.

At times, as a grown up, we tend to “forget” about who we once were, naughty child yet playful, rebellious teenager yet full of aspirations and dreams in life. Either we get too sucked up with our problems or too prideful to admit that you want to play tag, or hide-and-go-seek. We tell ourselves, ‘We live in reality. We can’t be like children anymore. We can’t be like teenagers any longer’. Even if we tell ourselves that, we “go on looking for” that child inside of us. We try to remember those exact feelings we’ve had but we are not so sure sometimes though we “believe” that we do. Because it was us. We can’t pinpoint it and it’s in the tip of our tongue but we were sure that our past self “was there a moment before”. It’s as if our past persona is “still alive” when we reminisce the way life used to be. We lose ourselves because over time we pretend to be someone who we were not. In reality, we “are still the same” but we “pretend to be time” but “we are not time”. Especially in these lines “you speak in the words but you are not what they say.” As humans, we are people pleaser so you do things because that’s what society is wanting you to do. We want to act like everyone else but we don’t realize that we forget who we truly are. In our past, we build a strong foundation and decide that this is who I’m going to be. We have it set in our minds but once you start interacting with people around you, you are somewhat ashamed of who you are.

Merwin took his poem into a third-person point of view to create this realistic person of our past so we can truly understand how our behavior is right now in the present. When we’re younger, we’re not too afraid of being true to ourselves but when you’ve grown up, you want to fit in. Then there’s a game of tug-of-war between us and the past because we have the mentality to try and fit in and not accept what we’ve been in the past. Without consideration within yourself, you will find yourself lost and that’s why we spend our time reminiscing the past as much as we could so we can linger to that hopes, dreams, and do things because it is what our heart desires and not what someone else desires. What the poem tells me overall, is that always be proud of who you are. Don’t be afraid of being different.

Self-assessment

My favorite activities:

• Swimming
• Walking in the beach
• Running/Jogging
• Biking
• Reading inspirational books
• Writing songs/making music
• Playing piano and guitar
• Singing
• Experimenting cooking

"What do you find yourself drawn to do? What can you spend hours doing, losing track of time and place, and still want to do it again and again?"

• Singing. I've always been passionate about singing because I find it as a release of my stress. Anything that affiliates with singing is something I can get lost into.

We all arrive on this earth naked and full of promise. We come packed with presents waiting to be opened. When you find something that so fully engages you that you would do it for free all day every day, then you are on course. 

When you find your true purpose, passion follows. You absolutely live to pursue it.

Life Without Limits

Nick Vujicic says, "I love you and you're beautiful just the way you are. Never, EVER give up."

I have been reading this book called, "Life Without Limits"

written by Nick Vujicic. A motivational speaker. An inspiration to thousands of people all over the world. He's been to more than 40 countries preaching about becoming your own miracle. If I was to pick a hero for the beginning of this new year, it would be Nick Vujicic. I think, he is the answer that I have been looking for. I have no reason to complain. No reason to question why I don't have money, why I don't have a boyfriend, why my eyes aren't blue, why I don't have a great body, why I have a flat nose, etc. He lived life just as a normal guy would and he succeeded. Nothing hindered him. Instead of complaining about what he doesn't have, he is thankful for what he has. Now, how amazing is that?? If he is a happy man, successful, and satisfied with life, what makes us think, for those who has arms and legs, that we can't be just as happy, successful, and satisfied with life? If he did it, we CAN too!

Year 2k14

            When the day of the 31st arrives, my tendency is to look back to what the past year has done to my life. I have been thankful for many things every year. But this year, why is that I can't find a single thing to be thankful for? Well, besides the obvious, surviving another year. Past years have been the happiest. 2k13. Was my major downfall. Still is my downfall and I'm afraid that I am dragging it with me to 2k14. I do still pray that there would be a solution to this catastrophic dilemma that haunts every night and day. Dad, I know you can hear me right now, Please I'm begging you, Show me Your way.

Let me thirst for You...

Steps to Christ: God's Love for Man

The word of God reveals His character. He Himself has declared his infinite love and pity. When Moses prayed, "Show me They glory," the Lord answered, "I will make all My goodness pass before thee." Exodus 33:18, 19. This is His glory. The Lord passes before Moses, and proclaimed, "The Lord, The Lord God, merciful and gracious, long-suffering, and abundant in goodness and truth, keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin." Exodus 34:6, 7. He is "slow to anger, and of great kindness," "because He delighteth in mercy." Jonah 4:2; Micah 7:18.

God has bound our hearts to Him by unnumbered tokens in heaven and in earth. Through the things of nature, and the deepest and tenderest earthly ties that human hearts can know, He has sought to reveal Himself to us. Yet these but imperfectly represent His love. Through all these evidences have been given, the enemy of good blinded the minds of men, so that they looked upon God with fear; they thought of Him as severe and unforgiving. Satan led men to conceive of God as being whose chief attribute is stern justice - one who is a Creator as a being who is watching with jealous eye t discern the errors and mistakes of men, that He may visit judgments upon them. It was to remove this dark shadow, by revealing to the world the infinite love of God, that Jesus came to live among men.

The Son of God came from heaven to make manifest the Father, "No man hath seen God at any time; the only begotten Son, which is in the bosom of he Father, He hat declared Him." John 1:18. "Neither knoweth any man the Father, save the Son, and he to whomsoever the Son will reveal Him." Matthew 11:27 When one of the disciples made the request, "Show us the Father," Jesus answered, "Have I been so long time with you, and yet hast thou not known Me, Philip? He that hath seen Me hat seen the Father; and how sayest thou then, Show us he Father?" John 14:8, 9.

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What this passages appeal for me is the fact that I found a symbolism that I can relate to. Jesus stated how whoever saw Him, has seen the Father himself. In our modern society, we have a role model. And what I think that John 14:8, 9 and is telling me is that we have to be like Jesus who represented God Himself. We were the same as Jesus. Jesus is human after all. We are alike therefore, we must consecrate living the way Jesus did representing God in every single day of our lives. No one could see him yet because you will be blinded so he showed his love for us by sending his only begotten son even if it was an "imperfectly" presentation. He shows us His love by sending his son to represent his own being and that Jesus was the example we should be following as well. I love you Daddy! Good night! :*

Steps to Christ: God's Love for Man

NATURE and revelation alike testify of God's love. Our Father in heaven is the source of life, of wisdom, and of joy. Look at the wonderful and beautiful things of nature. Think of their marvelous adaptation to the needs and happiness, not only of man, but of all living creatures. The sunshine and the rain, that gladden and refresh the earth, the hills and seas and plains, all speak to us of the Creator's love. It is God who supplies the daily needs of all His creatures. In the beautiful words of the psalmist --

"The eyes of all wait upon Thee;
And Thou givest them their meat in due season.
Thou openest Thine hand,
And satisfiest the desire of every living thing."
                                                  Psalm 145:15,16

God made man perfectly holy and happy; and the fair earth, as it came from the Creator's hand, bore no blight of decay or shadow of the curse. It is transgression of God's law - the law of love - that has brought woe and death. Yet even amid the suffering that results from sin, God's love is revealed. It is written that God cursed the ground for man's sake. Genesis 3:17. The thorn and the thistle - the difficulties and trials that make his life one of toil and care - were appointed for his good as a part of the training needful in God's plan for his uplifting from the ruin and degradation that sin has wrought. The world, though fallen, is not all sorrow and misery. In nature itself are messages of hope and comfort. There are flowers upon the thistles, and the thorns are covered with roses.

"God is love" is written upon every opening bud, upon every spire of springing grass. The lovely birds making the air vocal with their happy songs, the delicately tinted flowers in their perfection perfuming the air, the lofty trees of the forest with their rich foliage of living green - all testify to the tender, fatherly care of our God and to His desire to make His children happy.

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When I finally learned who really Christ was in my life, I fully understood the purpose of trials in my life. At first, I thought it didn't make sense but now, trials for me are one of the most beautiful things that God has given me. I think of it more as a blessing than of a difficulty. Just think about it, life without trials gains no knowledge. How can you learn to be better person if you're not being tested? How can you explore and discover a lot more things about yourself if there was no test?There's no basis if there were no trials. It is clearly stated in Steps to Christ that "the trials are appointed for our good as a part of God's plan". I may never know what that plan is but it's a promise that he will be "uplifting us from the ruin and degradation sin has done". I  failed so many times in my own journey. Basically, learning things the hard way. There was a time that I couldn't bear it anymore and I just wanted to let go and give everything up. I didn't want to keep going anymore because I was so tired of the trials that was set upon me. But one thing that I can share you is that, even if I was about to give up, God never gave up on me! He was there at all times even if I tried to neglect Him. I was becoming such a selfish child who was throwing tantrum locking myself behind closed doors yet my amazing Dad didn't stop winning me over. He's an amazing Dad because I really feel loved because of Him. Because of Him I still live. It is Him who shows me the way to His mansion, to His heaven. Whenever I feel so lonely and alone, He always has His many ways of showing how much He loves me more than anyone who has ever loved me! So I want you to know my Daddy too. He can be yours as well! I'm not stingy! :D He is after all everyone's Daddy!

1:11am

I'm up late. -_- And I fear that my consciousness will overcome me the next morning precluding me from going to school. That'll suck. So I shall sleep now! Bed!!! Here I come!! :) *sigh* you know, i like beds more than guys. Beds will surely embrace you willingly but guys, it's uncertain. T_T Okay, I'm going to bed. By the way, this blogging thing is really fun :D Got a new outlet for my emotions. xD This blog is like my prairie where I can totally dance around and no one will really judge me. ^_^ okay goodnight!!!


xoxo Grace from Saipan!

once upon a time ...

Snow: Henry? You didn't turn in your homework again, is there a problem?
(silence)
Oh Henry, things really will change if you just believe it. Life is unpredictable.

Henry: Is your life unpredictable? 'Cause it seems to me like everything is pretty much the same around here, except me! My birth mom didn't love me. Regina says she does but she doesn't. I-I don't belong here!

Snow: You do belong here Henry, you are loved. (pause) I wanna show you something. This morning, I was cleaning up my bedroom closet like I've done every week, thousands of times. And you know what happened? I found something. Something I've never noticed before.

(pulls out a book) It was just there. Like, magic.

Henry: That's not possible.

Snow: No of course not but it happened. This book somehow arrived. Was it given to me? Did I forget about it? I don't know! But there it was. And do you know what I saw when I looked inside? Hope.

Henry: Looks like fairy tales to me.

Snow: And what exactly do you think fairy tales are? They are a reminder that our lives will get better if we just hold on to hope. Your happy ending may not be what you expect but that is what will make it so special.

Realization

It dawns to you that you could've done something to make someone feel special, could've been nicer, maybe you could've put a little more effort to make someone happy, when it's too late. My teacher told me once to always compliment someone when it's necessary, appreciate all the things they have done for you, big or small and to express how much you love them because you may never know whether that'll be the last thing you'd ever say to them. We tend to realize things sometimes when it's too late. Too late. In some cases, it can be helped. But in my case, it can't be helped.

You hear the news and BOOM! it's like a knife cutting through your skin ever so slowly. It never occurred to me that I'd be experiencing indulging this kind of news. I knew it would come sooner or later but never had I thought it'd be that close, when I was just finally getting closer to truly and fully trust this special guy in my life. It wasn't long when we were together but he made me feel like I was his world. He worked hard for me. To fulfill what I wanted of him. He stayed with me when I was feeling down, hurt, and battered. He never left my side. He acted as if he was actually there. He cried with me. Tell me how beautiful I am. Professed his unending love to me. Virtually hugging me and kissing me and telling me to hush and tell me that everything will be all right. He would always listen to me no matter how many times I've repeated the story. Odd how I know that in the other end of the line, I could sense his smile to assure me that the storm will pass away and the sun will light up again. He would sing me songs even if he wasn't a singer. He would wake up early just to talk to me. Stay up all night just to hear me sing. I was everything to him. Yet I am this hopeless girl but hopeful that he would live longer because I know he would. I was determined I was gonna meet him before things come down to worse. But here I was. Being the cheat I was. Not fully committing to the relationship. Not respecting what he truly felt. How could I do such a cruel thing? Now I can't turn back time and confess to him of my dirty deeds now can I? Normally, you'd be holding a grudge upon yourself all your life but I can't go around doing that to myself because I still want to hold on to that promise I made him. I promised to be successful. To spread my wings and be able to fly. He wants me to be the best girl in this world. Now what was the purpose of me writing this? He is the changed that I have been searching for. He was the biggest lesson I've yet seen. Things would never end the way we both wanted but at least, we had a moment only to ourselves for four months. For those four months taught me how to be strong and courageous. To be more appreciative with the little things I have in life. To set my priorities straight and not live on a pool of regrets. Being with him taught me that everything has a reason. Every single damn thing that happens in life has a purpose therefore I must learn that things don't just happen because someone decided they just feel like that was supposed to happen. No! Things happen because you learn from them. Cherish and treasure them. :) I'm excited with what kind of woman I can bring out of me. A journey that I thought ended long ago was just about to start. 

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

Christmas is coming all too soon
Wrap your presents and give it to your love
Place it under your Christmas Tree
Wait until tomorrow.....

When Christmas comes, it's time for Joys and Cheers
"Merry Christmas" is what we say
Forget your worries, enjoy the moment
Share your laughter, to everyone

Merry Christmas Darling to you
Be with families, keep the memories
Merry Christmas Darling to you
Be with your dear friends, hope it never ends
Merry Christmas Darling to you
Pray to God above, praise Him with your love
Merry Christmas Darling..
To You

I hope this time of joyous laughter
Would stay as it is while we're together
Celebrate, it's not too late
This shouldn't end, it should never end

Embrace His love from above
He will carry you
Because He Loves you!!
Merry Christmas Darling To You :)

Hey :)

Life didn't take you by the hand just to smash you around like you're an old, ragged doll that deserves to be eaten by dogs or rot in a trash can. That's a bit exaggerated, but seriously, life happened because you have a purpose to be here! So stand tall and be proud because you've got something in you that I am for sure nobody else in this world would have. :)