Realization

It dawns to you that you could've done something to make someone feel special, could've been nicer, maybe you could've put a little more effort to make someone happy, when it's too late. My teacher told me once to always compliment someone when it's necessary, appreciate all the things they have done for you, big or small and to express how much you love them because you may never know whether that'll be the last thing you'd ever say to them. We tend to realize things sometimes when it's too late. Too late. In some cases, it can be helped. But in my case, it can't be helped.

You hear the news and BOOM! it's like a knife cutting through your skin ever so slowly. It never occurred to me that I'd be experiencing indulging this kind of news. I knew it would come sooner or later but never had I thought it'd be that close, when I was just finally getting closer to truly and fully trust this special guy in my life. It wasn't long when we were together but he made me feel like I was his world. He worked hard for me. To fulfill what I wanted of him. He stayed with me when I was feeling down, hurt, and battered. He never left my side. He acted as if he was actually there. He cried with me. Tell me how beautiful I am. Professed his unending love to me. Virtually hugging me and kissing me and telling me to hush and tell me that everything will be all right. He would always listen to me no matter how many times I've repeated the story. Odd how I know that in the other end of the line, I could sense his smile to assure me that the storm will pass away and the sun will light up again. He would sing me songs even if he wasn't a singer. He would wake up early just to talk to me. Stay up all night just to hear me sing. I was everything to him. Yet I am this hopeless girl but hopeful that he would live longer because I know he would. I was determined I was gonna meet him before things come down to worse. But here I was. Being the cheat I was. Not fully committing to the relationship. Not respecting what he truly felt. How could I do such a cruel thing? Now I can't turn back time and confess to him of my dirty deeds now can I? Normally, you'd be holding a grudge upon yourself all your life but I can't go around doing that to myself because I still want to hold on to that promise I made him. I promised to be successful. To spread my wings and be able to fly. He wants me to be the best girl in this world. Now what was the purpose of me writing this? He is the changed that I have been searching for. He was the biggest lesson I've yet seen. Things would never end the way we both wanted but at least, we had a moment only to ourselves for four months. For those four months taught me how to be strong and courageous. To be more appreciative with the little things I have in life. To set my priorities straight and not live on a pool of regrets. Being with him taught me that everything has a reason. Every single damn thing that happens in life has a purpose therefore I must learn that things don't just happen because someone decided they just feel like that was supposed to happen. No! Things happen because you learn from them. Cherish and treasure them. :) I'm excited with what kind of woman I can bring out of me. A journey that I thought ended long ago was just about to start.