Year 2k14

            When the day of the 31st arrives, my tendency is to look back to what the past year has done to my life. I have been thankful for many things every year. But this year, why is that I can't find a single thing to be thankful for? Well, besides the obvious, surviving another year. Past years have been the happiest. 2k13. Was my major downfall. Still is my downfall and I'm afraid that I am dragging it with me to 2k14. I do still pray that there would be a solution to this catastrophic dilemma that haunts every night and day. Dad, I know you can hear me right now, Please I'm begging you, Show me Your way.

Let me thirst for You...

Steps to Christ: God's Love for Man

The word of God reveals His character. He Himself has declared his infinite love and pity. When Moses prayed, "Show me They glory," the Lord answered, "I will make all My goodness pass before thee." Exodus 33:18, 19. This is His glory. The Lord passes before Moses, and proclaimed, "The Lord, The Lord God, merciful and gracious, long-suffering, and abundant in goodness and truth, keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin." Exodus 34:6, 7. He is "slow to anger, and of great kindness," "because He delighteth in mercy." Jonah 4:2; Micah 7:18.

God has bound our hearts to Him by unnumbered tokens in heaven and in earth. Through the things of nature, and the deepest and tenderest earthly ties that human hearts can know, He has sought to reveal Himself to us. Yet these but imperfectly represent His love. Through all these evidences have been given, the enemy of good blinded the minds of men, so that they looked upon God with fear; they thought of Him as severe and unforgiving. Satan led men to conceive of God as being whose chief attribute is stern justice - one who is a Creator as a being who is watching with jealous eye t discern the errors and mistakes of men, that He may visit judgments upon them. It was to remove this dark shadow, by revealing to the world the infinite love of God, that Jesus came to live among men.

The Son of God came from heaven to make manifest the Father, "No man hath seen God at any time; the only begotten Son, which is in the bosom of he Father, He hat declared Him." John 1:18. "Neither knoweth any man the Father, save the Son, and he to whomsoever the Son will reveal Him." Matthew 11:27 When one of the disciples made the request, "Show us the Father," Jesus answered, "Have I been so long time with you, and yet hast thou not known Me, Philip? He that hath seen Me hat seen the Father; and how sayest thou then, Show us he Father?" John 14:8, 9.

----------------------------------------------------------------------->>>>>>>>

What this passages appeal for me is the fact that I found a symbolism that I can relate to. Jesus stated how whoever saw Him, has seen the Father himself. In our modern society, we have a role model. And what I think that John 14:8, 9 and is telling me is that we have to be like Jesus who represented God Himself. We were the same as Jesus. Jesus is human after all. We are alike therefore, we must consecrate living the way Jesus did representing God in every single day of our lives. No one could see him yet because you will be blinded so he showed his love for us by sending his only begotten son even if it was an "imperfectly" presentation. He shows us His love by sending his son to represent his own being and that Jesus was the example we should be following as well. I love you Daddy! Good night! :*

Steps to Christ: God's Love for Man

NATURE and revelation alike testify of God's love. Our Father in heaven is the source of life, of wisdom, and of joy. Look at the wonderful and beautiful things of nature. Think of their marvelous adaptation to the needs and happiness, not only of man, but of all living creatures. The sunshine and the rain, that gladden and refresh the earth, the hills and seas and plains, all speak to us of the Creator's love. It is God who supplies the daily needs of all His creatures. In the beautiful words of the psalmist --

"The eyes of all wait upon Thee;
And Thou givest them their meat in due season.
Thou openest Thine hand,
And satisfiest the desire of every living thing."
                                                  Psalm 145:15,16

God made man perfectly holy and happy; and the fair earth, as it came from the Creator's hand, bore no blight of decay or shadow of the curse. It is transgression of God's law - the law of love - that has brought woe and death. Yet even amid the suffering that results from sin, God's love is revealed. It is written that God cursed the ground for man's sake. Genesis 3:17. The thorn and the thistle - the difficulties and trials that make his life one of toil and care - were appointed for his good as a part of the training needful in God's plan for his uplifting from the ruin and degradation that sin has wrought. The world, though fallen, is not all sorrow and misery. In nature itself are messages of hope and comfort. There are flowers upon the thistles, and the thorns are covered with roses.

"God is love" is written upon every opening bud, upon every spire of springing grass. The lovely birds making the air vocal with their happy songs, the delicately tinted flowers in their perfection perfuming the air, the lofty trees of the forest with their rich foliage of living green - all testify to the tender, fatherly care of our God and to His desire to make His children happy.

<<<<<-------------------------------------------------------------------->>>>>
                 <<<<<------------------------------------------------------------------------->>>>>
      <<<<<--------------------------------------------------------->>>>>

When I finally learned who really Christ was in my life, I fully understood the purpose of trials in my life. At first, I thought it didn't make sense but now, trials for me are one of the most beautiful things that God has given me. I think of it more as a blessing than of a difficulty. Just think about it, life without trials gains no knowledge. How can you learn to be better person if you're not being tested? How can you explore and discover a lot more things about yourself if there was no test?There's no basis if there were no trials. It is clearly stated in Steps to Christ that "the trials are appointed for our good as a part of God's plan". I may never know what that plan is but it's a promise that he will be "uplifting us from the ruin and degradation sin has done". I  failed so many times in my own journey. Basically, learning things the hard way. There was a time that I couldn't bear it anymore and I just wanted to let go and give everything up. I didn't want to keep going anymore because I was so tired of the trials that was set upon me. But one thing that I can share you is that, even if I was about to give up, God never gave up on me! He was there at all times even if I tried to neglect Him. I was becoming such a selfish child who was throwing tantrum locking myself behind closed doors yet my amazing Dad didn't stop winning me over. He's an amazing Dad because I really feel loved because of Him. Because of Him I still live. It is Him who shows me the way to His mansion, to His heaven. Whenever I feel so lonely and alone, He always has His many ways of showing how much He loves me more than anyone who has ever loved me! So I want you to know my Daddy too. He can be yours as well! I'm not stingy! :D He is after all everyone's Daddy!

1:11am

I'm up late. -_- And I fear that my consciousness will overcome me the next morning precluding me from going to school. That'll suck. So I shall sleep now! Bed!!! Here I come!! :) *sigh* you know, i like beds more than guys. Beds will surely embrace you willingly but guys, it's uncertain. T_T Okay, I'm going to bed. By the way, this blogging thing is really fun :D Got a new outlet for my emotions. xD This blog is like my prairie where I can totally dance around and no one will really judge me. ^_^ okay goodnight!!!


xoxo Grace from Saipan!

vanished dreams

you wake up one morning deciding on a path

you don't know where it goes

there is no sign that shows

"this is the right way"

"this is the right place"

you take one step and take a breath

inhaling every debris

feeling what you see

every dreams were made

out in the open glade

the night is young to let one torment

destroy your moment

of this blissful event

keep riding your dreams

it shall bloom, it seems

it all made sense at one point

never knowing what happens to the next joint

expect the unexpected they say

i believe so, till today

yet it happened in such a dismay

to face a fight without preparation

to face a fight without ammunition

to face a fight without determination

is like getting into the battlefield

permitting oneself become the human shield

once a man full of dreams

with the bright sun beams

transformed to the hopeless

stuck in his own carelessness

and just think of himself even less

no one to blame

but the man himself

he shows but full of shame

the man with no name

can think of nothing but his vanished dreams

once upon a time ...

Snow: Henry? You didn't turn in your homework again, is there a problem?
(silence)
Oh Henry, things really will change if you just believe it. Life is unpredictable.

Henry: Is your life unpredictable? 'Cause it seems to me like everything is pretty much the same around here, except me! My birth mom didn't love me. Regina says she does but she doesn't. I-I don't belong here!

Snow: You do belong here Henry, you are loved. (pause) I wanna show you something. This morning, I was cleaning up my bedroom closet like I've done every week, thousands of times. And you know what happened? I found something. Something I've never noticed before.

(pulls out a book) It was just there. Like, magic.

Henry: That's not possible.

Snow: No of course not but it happened. This book somehow arrived. Was it given to me? Did I forget about it? I don't know! But there it was. And do you know what I saw when I looked inside? Hope.

Henry: Looks like fairy tales to me.

Snow: And what exactly do you think fairy tales are? They are a reminder that our lives will get better if we just hold on to hope. Your happy ending may not be what you expect but that is what will make it so special.

Realization

It dawns to you that you could've done something to make someone feel special, could've been nicer, maybe you could've put a little more effort to make someone happy, when it's too late. My teacher told me once to always compliment someone when it's necessary, appreciate all the things they have done for you, big or small and to express how much you love them because you may never know whether that'll be the last thing you'd ever say to them. We tend to realize things sometimes when it's too late. Too late. In some cases, it can be helped. But in my case, it can't be helped.

You hear the news and BOOM! it's like a knife cutting through your skin ever so slowly. It never occurred to me that I'd be experiencing indulging this kind of news. I knew it would come sooner or later but never had I thought it'd be that close, when I was just finally getting closer to truly and fully trust this special guy in my life. It wasn't long when we were together but he made me feel like I was his world. He worked hard for me. To fulfill what I wanted of him. He stayed with me when I was feeling down, hurt, and battered. He never left my side. He acted as if he was actually there. He cried with me. Tell me how beautiful I am. Professed his unending love to me. Virtually hugging me and kissing me and telling me to hush and tell me that everything will be all right. He would always listen to me no matter how many times I've repeated the story. Odd how I know that in the other end of the line, I could sense his smile to assure me that the storm will pass away and the sun will light up again. He would sing me songs even if he wasn't a singer. He would wake up early just to talk to me. Stay up all night just to hear me sing. I was everything to him. Yet I am this hopeless girl but hopeful that he would live longer because I know he would. I was determined I was gonna meet him before things come down to worse. But here I was. Being the cheat I was. Not fully committing to the relationship. Not respecting what he truly felt. How could I do such a cruel thing? Now I can't turn back time and confess to him of my dirty deeds now can I? Normally, you'd be holding a grudge upon yourself all your life but I can't go around doing that to myself because I still want to hold on to that promise I made him. I promised to be successful. To spread my wings and be able to fly. He wants me to be the best girl in this world. Now what was the purpose of me writing this? He is the changed that I have been searching for. He was the biggest lesson I've yet seen. Things would never end the way we both wanted but at least, we had a moment only to ourselves for four months. For those four months taught me how to be strong and courageous. To be more appreciative with the little things I have in life. To set my priorities straight and not live on a pool of regrets. Being with him taught me that everything has a reason. Every single damn thing that happens in life has a purpose therefore I must learn that things don't just happen because someone decided they just feel like that was supposed to happen. No! Things happen because you learn from them. Cherish and treasure them. :) I'm excited with what kind of woman I can bring out of me. A journey that I thought ended long ago was just about to start. 

Lonely Road... Lonely Place

Lonely road
Lonely place
Lonely life
Why do I?
Why do I?
heart torn
in millions of pieces
because of this lonesome feeling
i feel,

it hurts
it burns
it breaks
it cries
it shakes

your voice
piercing
my very own ears
close it.
shut it.
i'm going crazy
deep inside
i need therapy
not your apathy

Chance. Chance
second chance
is there a way
to mend broken hearts
no matter how bad it is?
is there a way
to feel happy?
is there?
Tell me!
is there???
so helpless
so hopeless

thoughts
filled with
painful moments
hurtful moments
sorrowful moments
take them out

i cry
i break
i scream
i shout
i kneel
i walk
i sing
nothing works nothing

take it out

i beg you
i see darkness
i see no sun
the light is uninviting
the darkness is much alluring
so dark
so bleak
so dim
so empty
i'm blind
hold my hand
please, please
don't let go
everyone releases their grip
or not even hold it at all
so please
hold me
don't let me go

for this lonely road
i tread
no one dares
to walk with me
don't give up on me
because i'm on the verge
on the verge
of giving up...

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

Christmas is coming all too soon
Wrap your presents and give it to your love
Place it under your Christmas Tree
Wait until tomorrow.....

When Christmas comes, it's time for Joys and Cheers
"Merry Christmas" is what we say
Forget your worries, enjoy the moment
Share your laughter, to everyone

Merry Christmas Darling to you
Be with families, keep the memories
Merry Christmas Darling to you
Be with your dear friends, hope it never ends
Merry Christmas Darling to you
Pray to God above, praise Him with your love
Merry Christmas Darling..
To You

I hope this time of joyous laughter
Would stay as it is while we're together
Celebrate, it's not too late
This shouldn't end, it should never end

Embrace His love from above
He will carry you
Because He Loves you!!
Merry Christmas Darling To You :)